“Okay, so I’ve got this coworker. Every time I bump into them at work, they corner me with a never-ending story about their weekend, their kids, their pets—hell, I know what they had for lunch three weeks ago.
They just go on and on, and I can never find a polite way to escape without them launching into another story. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll literally take the long way around the office just to avoid getting trapped in their verbal black hole.
I’m not rude, but I’ve got shit to do.
How in the fuck do I get out of these conversations without setting the whole building on fire?”
HITFDI? Answer
The fuckin’ chatterbox. We all know one, the asshole who can talk for hours about absolutely nothing and somehow rope you into their verbal hell.
You’re nodding like a bobblehead, praying for a power outage to save you.
So how in the fuck do you escape without leaving scorched earth behind?
The Subtle Exit (aka: Get Me the Fuck Out)
Start with the basics—shift your weight, look at your phone, angle your body toward the exit like you’re trying to make a break for it.
Any normal human would pick up on these hints and let you off the hook. But not this one, oh no.
They’re oblivious, stuck in their own endless fucking monologue.
When that fails (because it will), cut them off with something like, “Hey, shit, I just remembered I have to [insert random excuse here]. Let’s catch up another time!”
You won’t, but no need to burn the bridge completely, right?
Blame Your Phone, Because Why the Fuck Not?
Thank god for technology. The moment you feel trapped, grab your phone like it’s your golden ticket out of this God damn nightmare.
Hit them with, “Oh shit, I’ve got to answer to this message,” or, “Oh shit, I need to make a call.”
You don’t, but they don’t know that.
Smile, walk away, and boom, you’re free. If they try to keep talking, just keep scrolling like you’ve got the most important text in the world.
Give ‘Em a Countdown
If you’re really stuck and there’s no immediate escape, you’ve got to set a deadline.
Something like, “Hey, I’ve only got about 5 minutes before I need to run.”
This lets them know you’re already half out the door. They might cram their last 10,000 words into those five minutes, but who gives a fuck? At least you’ve got an end in sight.
The Honest Route (aka: I’m Fucking Done)
If you’re ready to drop the hammer, just fucking tell them. “Hey, I’d love to keep chatting, but I’ve got to take a shit.”
No need to dress it up—you’re setting a boundary.
People who talk without shutting up need to be reminded that conversation isn’t a goddamn marathon. This isn’t rude, it’s survival.
Emergency Exit (aka: Fuck This, I’m Out)
When all else fails, go for the Hail Mary: leave. “I need to take a shit,” or, “I forgot something at my desk.” Doesn’t matter what you say, just go.
Once you’re out, make your great escape and find something, anything, to occupy your time so you don’t get roped the fuck back in.
Bottom Line:
You’re not stuck in conversation hell. Whether you’re pulling out the phone trick, cutting them off with a fake emergency, or flat-out telling them to stop, you’ve got options.
Pick your strategy and get the fuck out—you don’t owe them your time.
You got this because fuck letting someone else turn your day into their personal TED Talk.
Need Some Advice?
Hit us up at advice@hitddi.com, and we’ll show you how to handle it like a fuckin’ pro.
